Calen's Potty Training

I had to take Calen to the doc last week (can't remember what day). The teacher at his daycare called to tell me that he's been crying all morning since I dropped him off. He would cry and scream, then he would calm down and stop for a minute. After almost a minute, she stated he would "flinch" and start to scream and cry again. He wouldn't allow anyone to touch him. It sounded like one of the nighttime episodes that he used to have. I couldn't understand why he was having one during the day. He hasn't eaten anything that he shouldn't have. The only thing that had been done different was the new oral b-12 I had given him that morning. It was supposed to be given under the tongue, but instead he wiggled and the drop landed ON his tongue. I wondered if the medicine went to his stomach and upset it. I contacted the pharmacy in B'ham where the medicine came from (Wellness Pharmacy) to see if that was the case. The tech told me no. So I thought maybe his ears were bothering him. It also could be the untold amount of dirt he was allowed to eat at the other daycare. I took him to the doc, and the nurse practitioner told me he felt a knot in Calen's tummy. He thought constipation was bothering him, and prescribed some medicine to help him use the bathroom. 3 weeks after catching Calen eating dirt at the other daycare, he was STILL pooping dirt! I was terrified. After giving him the medicine, he's done better. The teacher at his school and I have kept a close eye on his poop. I'm so thankful to say I haven't seen anymore of it! Praise God!!!

I've still not called Lisa Highfield to see if she's contacted the Behavioral Center in Huntsville to see about sending a therapist to Calen's school. The therapist would train his teachers in ABA therapy. They won't be certified after training, and the training would be continuous, and would center more and more on Calen. I would like to see all the children benefit from this, but in a selfish thought, since I'm the only parent pushing for it, my son should be the only one centered in it. I hope that doesn't sound terrible. If she refuses to go along with my plan, then I will be considering moving to Huntsville. The school system there sends their kids to the very behavioral centers I've spoken of at no cost to the parents! I just hate to leave the job I have because they have been so understanding about all the times I've had to miss work. I've had to come in late and leave early.
As for the occupational therapy, I've been sitting with him and doing some of the same activities they did at the sessions. I haven't been able to spend the time that I would like though. Plus, Kylia gets in the way alot. I have to try to include her and it becomes too much.

I also haven't called Greenhill Books about joining a natural food co-op. My to-do list is starting to grow. I've been so busy with working and when I get the kids to sleep, I'm usually asleep myself.

Mrs. Binger is the sweet mom from Huntsville who's been too kind in helping me along the way. We communicate via e-mail. She sent me a site to go to so I can apply for a grant to get Calen money for speech, occupational and physical therapies. I still haven't gotten to that either. I feel rotten for that, too. But there is hope! I also received info about a grant that would pay for costs of conventions! A person will be awarded only so much money per year.

My biggest thing right now is potty training both my children. Kylia is doing better than Calen. I can tell her to take her diaper off and go potty and she will sit on the potty. I have to keep her on the potty though. She will sit there for only a minute. I've had success in the morning before she has her first pee pee. I caught her trying to poop so I told her to sit on the potty and poop. She did. Calen is a different story. He will get upset if I try to make him sit on the potty. I don't know what to do with him. It has been more than difficult. If I had a nickle for every time a mom told me to drop a cheerio in the toilet and tell him to pee on it...it doesn't work that way with him and I have a hard time getting some to understand. To him, it's something to eat and he will reach into the toilet and attempt to get the Cheerio so he can eat it. I hope to get Kylia trained soon. That will be one down, and less money for diapers. On a sentimental note, I will be sad to see my baby wearing "big girl panties". I've enjoyed the times I share with her while changing her diaper. When she was tiny, I would sing to her and tickle her to make her giggle. I still do that, but now I sing the ABC song. She also loves "I'm a little teapot.." She sings along with me!! It's so cute. I can't ever get it on video because when I try, she stops singing and she focuses on my phone. I tear up at the memories...

On a more personal note, I've been going through some depression. I think I'm trying to reach too many goals at once. I don't mind much because it keeps me going so I don't have time to sit down and be alone with my thoughts. Sometimes, I miss their dad even though he doesn't care about us. I miss him because I wish I had someone to go through this with me. I admit that I feel quite lonely at times. If only he had the love for us to be the man we need him to be...that isn't ever going to be.
Sometimes, I think about college and past decisions...lots of different things. I'm glad to say I have no regrets because each decision I made, whether good or bad, lead me to having my 2 children.

Sometimes, I try to imagine what Calen would be like without the autism. That makes me the most sad. I felt as though I was wishing he was different or something. I'm trying to grow my hair long again, and I've been unsuccessful for a year now. I have a nervous habit of pulling and twisting my hair resulting in severe breakage. Lately, I wake myself up pulling my hair. I wake up in a pile of broken hair all over my pillow. I've went so far as to take Biotin to help my hair and nails and by a scarf to tie around my head when I'm not at work. That has helped quite a bit, but now I'm making up for it at work! I do it without realizing I'm doing it. I plan to get a surgical cap to go with my scrubs so I can stop my hair pulling at work without wearing that scarf. The scarf is not something to be worn outside of the house...especially to work.

I'm also a little down because a lot of my coworkers are taking vacations with their husbands/boyfriends and children. The lady I share my office with is going to Panama City with her boyfriend. My family and I can't do that. I've used all my vacation time getting the kids back and forth to doc appointments and taking care of them when they were sick. I could use a week off work. I used to travel a lot. Now, not so much. When I go out of town, it's not for pleasure. My children's dad and I used to take trips together quite a bit. My favorite is when we made a few trips to Tunica. I guess I'm feeling a little envious and lonely right now. I'll get over it.
My recent goal was to have plastic surgery. I had my gastric bypass in April 2004. I've lost 120lbs. I have excess skin on my midsection. I went to see Dr. Michael Yates in Huntsville for a consultation. I was told during a class for my gastric bypass that Blue Cross will pay for tummy tucks and breast lifts after weight loss surgery. That is no longer so. I have to pay for it myself. Dr. Yates says I need a lower body lift which will cost $16,000. Needless to say, my dreams of were shattered. It's not only the horrible way I look, but the fact that this extra skin actually hurts my back. It pulls me forward and is very uncomfortable.
I will end this entry because this is starting to sound like a pity party or just a bunch of complaining. That's not my intent. GOD IS WITH ME AND MY BABIES. HE GUIDES ME. HE GIVES ME STRENGTH. AMEN.